thoughts you never knew

you always ask me why i am always so mad or moody...
and i tell you to think and think and think because i am so tired of explaining the the things i mentioned before...

the truth is i lied,,,i haven't forgiven you....

.....for not telling me your real name when we met and it took seven months for you to reveal that the name you're using is just your pet name....

.....for forgetting our monthsary.... i hate you to death when you told me that our monthsary is the 6th of each month and when i corrected you, you did not even apologized that day...

.....for not spending more hours with me when we met....

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i hate you so much because you love your pride so much....more than you can love me....
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you already losing me but you don't know it because you are so busy pretending that we are happy or i am happy.... and you always think that saying "i love you so much and i want to spend my life with you" will make me forget the things that you do...

and please don't apologize when you don't know the reason why you're apologizing because it is more frustrating....and it makes me hate you more...

i am just so tired of exerting more effort and love for the both of us...to make our relationship work....i need you to do your part because i am very tired...and i am so afraid that the love that i still have for you will be lost....

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"You always knew just how to make me cry
And never did I ask you questions why
It seems you get your kicks from hurting me" -give in to me by Michael Jackson...

anyway monthsary ulit namen but he did not greet me anyway this is the nth time but what hurts is that when i asked him about our monthsary he told me 6 daw kami... i just said that it's okay that it is only a number... pero ang totoo i want to slap your face hahaha...

bahala na....

let it die a natural death...

it's our 6th month, as usual no greetings or whatever not even time...
i went to pasay yesterday..kaya pag dating ko haggard na and yeah di na ako nakabati pero that's not a reason for him not to greet me..bahala na...

lagi naman ganito...

kaya tama na siguro...

kalimutan na lang ang date na to....

Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Line by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

i promised myself that i will not settle for anything less than of what i truly deserve...
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i love the way you smile to other people....i wish that you can share with me that smile