dry eyes doesn't always mean dry pillows

tonight i will be myself,,no pretentions, no masks....

my life is a living hell....i mean that

i'm lonely,sad and depressed....there are so many (so many) things that happened in my life and it all happens quickly....for a short moment you're given a chance to be happy but with a terrible price a long time of loneliness....

With all honesty I really feel guilty when i feel happy coz i know it will not last for long. I tend to lock away myself from people in that way i will not be able to attached myself on them and for me that's better. No attachement, no emptiness.

I even think of breaking up with mike..because he's the reason of my happiness (haha corny) being with him even for a minute gives me the feeling of certain gladness. We've been together for a long time now but still I can't open up to him the reason?? it's simple I don't want him to see me as a vulnerable person because I'm really trying to be strong...nuff said

back to me...

depressing right??

I remember this story:

there was this young boy who run away from home because his parent did not buy him a new pair of shoes and while he's walking he another boy who has no feet but with a smile on his face..and suddenly he realized how lucky he was and said to himself "here i am mad because my parents did not buy me a pair of shoes while this boy doesn't even have feet"

this is one of my favorite...I tried to do that count my blessings and saying that somehow i'm still lucky...but no...I realized that I was just kidding myself...eventhough I do that I still feel unlucky and discontent....

People say that everything happens for a reason..maybe that's true but what's difficult is finding out what is reason behind those things. We try to convince people that we're okay we're fine and we can do this and that....but the truth it's ourselves...we are the one convincing ourselves that we're okay and we're happy but the fact remains deep in our hearts...we are lonely, we're not fine and we can't still figure out why these things happens to us and of all people why US??

It's fuuunnnyyyyy on how we can still put smile on our faces when you know the thing that you likely to do is cry....

it's also funny on how we can fool others with these smiles and waht's really funny is the way we fool ourselves and pretend we're happy.....

We often see people happy but we rarely see them cry........

"BEHIND SWEET SMILES AND CHEERFUL JOKES..IS NOT ALWAYS A HAPPY STORY KEEP IN MIND THAT DRY EYES DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN DRY PILLOWS"

when there was me and you

mike and i had a "row" again last night...believe me it's something really serious but on the other hand a very petty quarrel.nakakatwa lang talaga kasi nagsumbatan nanaman kami kung sino ang insensitive, manhid at clueless, kung sino ang madalas manakit at kung sino ang hindi nakakaalam na nakakasakit nah...

i opened my friendster awhile ago and i was surprised that he gave me a testi...
the first one was a song ny KAMIKAZEE (director's cut). i don't know what to feel...
i'm really confused..i often asked him if he still loves me...and he said he do and he's stil does....

but now i realized...it's not him i should be asking about his feeling..i should be asking myself if I still love him...if i still want to be with him..

nakakainis..
if we broke up.............
sayang naman ang emotional investment namin sa isa't isa
sayang ang 2 and half years na we've been together
balik single nanaman ako at hindi ako sanay sa single life..
wala na kong katext...
wala na ko aawayin
wala na kong makakausap (haha)

if i don't break up with him....
away lang palagi xe we have diffirent ways on showing our feelings
TRUST will always be an issue...

mahal ko pa ba siya???
do we still have a chance to work this relationship??
can we startall over again??
do we still have any other options than breaking up??

oh im still hoping for a miracle....

WALTZ

this is my boyfriend michael and his classmate/friend isel...isel is the best friend of sol who is drooling over him hahaha...im so bad,,,


im not really the jealous type hanggang kaya ko i can tolerate it if he say friends i'll take his word for it pero im really maduda..hahaha esp. when this gal told him that he was a sweet guy..because he's not he's the driest bf i ever had..bad me...with all honesty I can see that he's trying really trying to be sweet kaya lang "he did his best, but he's best wasn't enough"..please people don't get me wrong ...i appreciate his efforts and the way he try to impress me...but i have a weird way of showing it hahaha


basta i hate it when he becomes clueless.....!!!!


i hate him this moment nag away nanaman kasi kami....

" there are songs that your heart wants to hear but i'm afraid that it might not be my song that you've wanted to hear"

im a sucker fan of spongecola...so forgive me i know they are overlapping but i dont care!!!

THE FOLLOWING VIDS ARE MY FAVORITE

yael on blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-kzI-nDETo

this song is for FATIMA MARIE

SPONGECOLA lyrics

we'll be celebrating our anniv. soon
we're friends for a year on feb 7 2007

piffling

Unhealthy realtionships can be like bitter pills:they're hard to swallow but we keep on taking them because they mask a multitude of pains. - cosmo magazine

i browsed it lang when i had the chance to read a cosmo...and it hit me bigtime

sometimes i really get confused about my feelings regarding with our relationship... totoo yun pag may away at gulo nakakainis, nakakapikon at nakakasawa...siguro naman di lang ako nakakaranas nito...


pero masaya ang may kaaway,masaya ang buhay pag may pumipikon at may pinipikon ka totoo yan siguro minsan nakakasawa talaga pero ang nakakatuwa eh yung tipong yung mga kinakaasaran mo sa kanya ay ang talagang mga dahilan kung bakit mo siya mahal... haha corny

finally

finally i was able to open this blogger for my previous entries please go to http://iamluisa.livejournal.com

well i know it's kinda late but welcome 2007
i do hope this will be A great year for me and for all of us....
i did not make a list of new years resolution because i know that i'll not be able to do those things

i changed my cel number..i mean my mike and i decided to be a globe user..which is good because i was able to communicate with my long lost friends..hehehe

....mike and i had just been in a very rough road in the long journey of our relationship..but we're working really hard and i guess we're okay now we can talk without fighting well i learned to compromise and i'm trying to be more understanding i mean im really really trying and not just that i'm also trying not to doubt everything he says i mean im trying to trust him a lil bit more...i do hope he can see that because on the other hand i appreciate his effort..well it really feels good to see us working this hard...and im still thankful that he's not that easy to give up on me....

~~~~~~~~~~~~
because im a globe user already i was able to receive some qoutes..really good ones and some are corny (mike hated it but what the hell i love being corny)


this one comes from ate she

"leaving a love you've suddenly outgrown can be heartbreaking but it also shows you're strong enough to walk away from a relationship that no longer makes you happy, moving out from your comfort zone can be downright scary, but it also proves just how brave you are to the unknown...stronger, braver,wiser...you always do a little growing up everytime you do a little letting go--OPRAH"
nice noh???......

well this is something na napulot ko sa friendster hehehe

11 LAYERS


LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: maria luisa canlas laborero
Birthdate: march 30, 85
Current Location: tarlac city
Eye Color: black
Hair Color: black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: aries

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your fear: to fail
Goal for future: get married in a church hahaha ( is this a goal??)

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY,
TOMORROW:

Your thoughts in waking up:
i hope this will be a greaT day
Your best physical feature:
hahaha wag na intriguing
Your bedtime: 2 am (pinaka maaga hehehe)
Your most missed memory: the last time i felt happy??

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK

Pepsi or Coke: PEPSI
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's (ders no burger king here)
Single or group date: single...my friends are annoying when you have another company
Adidas or Nike: nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: coffee
sing or dance: neither i can't do both
Bora or puerto: bora

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: i tried
Take a shower: of course
Think you've been in love: even without thinking hahahaha
Believe in yourself: of course!!

LAYER SIX: Last MONTH

Drank alcohol: nope
Gone to the mall: yes
shopping: nope
Been on stage: Nope
Eaten Sushi: nope
Dyed your hair: no, but i had hair spa

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER

Played a stripping : nope..but i wanna try it hehehehe

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD

Age you're hoping to be
married: 27 i hope

LAYER NINE: IN A /GUY

Best eye color: balck
Best hair color: black
Clothing style: simple


LAYER TEN: TIME

1 MINUTE AGO: surfing the net
1 DAY AGO: tuesday hahaha
1 YEAR AGO: i was practice teaching


LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I LOVE: myself, family, my boyfriend and my friends
I FEEL: good today
I : oversleeping
I HIDE: my tears to everybody hahaha
I MISS: my parents esp. my mom
I NEED: to find a secure job



yun lang for now i do hope i will be open blogger so that i will be able to write often....


SOMETIMES WE GET EVERYTHING WE WANT IN LIFE
SOMETIMES WE DON'T
BUT SOMETIMES WE JUST GET SOMETHING IN BETWEEN----grey's anatomy

just one wish........

i hope geoff eigenmann will be kicked out from myx!!!!

my new year's day (spent)

last january 1, i practically spent my day with mike and his folks ( mind you i still get nervous everytime i go there)

i will elaborate the people

1. his lola (who is used in seeing me there)
2. his parents (who is also used in seeing me there)
3.his tita (the look alike of his mom who is also used to me hehehe she's nice)
4.his kuya dong(the best looking one) and his wife meanne(whatever don't like her anyway) and their son JC (who's super duper cute :))
5.his ate karen and her husband ( i don't know the name) with their daughter danielle..(who's really makulit and knda iyakin)
6.his kuya jay with his gf jasmine

7.his sister kamille
8. his other tito's and tita's and bunch of kids i don't know if those where his cousins or nephews ( i really dont care)

i arrived there before lunch...wala na sana ako balak mag merienda kaya lang they said na sabay kami kumain ng gf ni JAy well that's okay kasi because we almost arrived at the same time....(nauna ko ng 5 mins hehehe)

the night before...i told mike that i really don't like spaghetti...but that's a lie...the truth?? well i just say that i still have trauma about their spaghetti (haha bad bad me and tell you mike doesn't have any clue about this).

wala medyo badtrip lang talaga ako nung lunch time nah....i ate with kuya jay, jasmine, their tatay ( who finished his food agad), his kuya dong and his wife(basta there something about her that really makes me pissed off)...wala kainis si mike nun kasi di man lang ako sinabayan and i admire his kuya jay for being the damn sensitive one kasi i was touched when he told mike na "sana sinabayan mo siya kahit konti lang" and the worst scenario that put me on the verge of tears was when Mike asked me to move my chair..tumayo ako and then he told me ba naman "ayaw mo na?" siguro kung di lang sumingit ang kuya niya i might have forgotten my manners and walked away..."pinapatayo mo siya tapos bigla mong tatanungin kung ayaw niya nah" "pinapalipat ko lang naman siya" mike answered..."pinapalipat mo siya di mo naman nilipat yung upuan niya"
that's it kainis noh...

ganun din nung meryanda..he insisted on giving me a buko salad kahit na alam niya na ayaw ko ng salad...

he even asked me to go outside kahit nah i told him i don't like there...
ewan ko basta that day...happy pero i was really pissed off with him...

i asked myself if i still love him.....and yeah sure maybe i still do...but i don't know if it's enough to still linger in our relationship...well just to clear this ish i haven't found someone new... i just think i want to be alone for awhile...


i just want to be numb......