dry eyes doesn't always mean dry pillows

tonight i will be myself,,no pretentions, no masks....

my life is a living hell....i mean that

i'm lonely,sad and depressed....there are so many (so many) things that happened in my life and it all happens quickly....for a short moment you're given a chance to be happy but with a terrible price a long time of loneliness....

With all honesty I really feel guilty when i feel happy coz i know it will not last for long. I tend to lock away myself from people in that way i will not be able to attached myself on them and for me that's better. No attachement, no emptiness.

I even think of breaking up with mike..because he's the reason of my happiness (haha corny) being with him even for a minute gives me the feeling of certain gladness. We've been together for a long time now but still I can't open up to him the reason?? it's simple I don't want him to see me as a vulnerable person because I'm really trying to be strong...nuff said

back to me...

depressing right??

I remember this story:

there was this young boy who run away from home because his parent did not buy him a new pair of shoes and while he's walking he another boy who has no feet but with a smile on his face..and suddenly he realized how lucky he was and said to himself "here i am mad because my parents did not buy me a pair of shoes while this boy doesn't even have feet"

this is one of my favorite...I tried to do that count my blessings and saying that somehow i'm still lucky...but no...I realized that I was just kidding myself...eventhough I do that I still feel unlucky and discontent....

People say that everything happens for a reason..maybe that's true but what's difficult is finding out what is reason behind those things. We try to convince people that we're okay we're fine and we can do this and that....but the truth it's ourselves...we are the one convincing ourselves that we're okay and we're happy but the fact remains deep in our hearts...we are lonely, we're not fine and we can't still figure out why these things happens to us and of all people why US??

It's fuuunnnyyyyy on how we can still put smile on our faces when you know the thing that you likely to do is cry....

it's also funny on how we can fool others with these smiles and waht's really funny is the way we fool ourselves and pretend we're happy.....

We often see people happy but we rarely see them cry........

"BEHIND SWEET SMILES AND CHEERFUL JOKES..IS NOT ALWAYS A HAPPY STORY KEEP IN MIND THAT DRY EYES DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN DRY PILLOWS"